7 of Australia's most craved for
gelato & ice cream chains
An exploration of 7 of Australia's most craved for gelato and ice cream chains (and what yours says about you) for Citizens of the World.
ONCE upon a time in Australia the classic icy pole reigned supreme as the trendiest of summer refreshments. But today, with thanks to the recent empire-esque expansion of frozen dessert chains, designer gelato has trumped even the most iconic of sweet treats. Yes, even beating the good old Golden Gaytime.
Light in texture and available in a mouth-watering multiplicity of flavours (Poached Figs in Marsala & Gianduia, anyone?), Australians just can’t get enough of these miniature cups of artisanal deliciousness.
But, like other choices in life, where you grab your gelato fix may say a lot more about who you are than you’d imagine. After all, not all gelaterias are created equal. So what does favourite local reveal about your life choices? As COTW’s resident sweet treat psychologist, I’m on hand to help.
N2 Extreme Gelato
You like your gelato like you like your taxes, done right but with quite a lot of creative flair. In the illustrious words of Matt Damon, you’re happy to ‘science the shit’ out of ensuring you get the best out of life while looking effortlessly good in the process. You might own a black Nespresso machine to match your monochromatic dinnerware. And it’s highly likely that your pet is named after a famous historical figure. You might also pick your magazines for the coffee table-worthy covers but you always make sure you read the articles (in case anybody asks).
You’re a purist through and through. You’re convinced that Italians perfected the art of making gelato and are sure to mention it whenever someone suggests dessert after dinner (sometimes much to your friends chagrin but they love you anyway because you’re probably right). Since reading about Sprezzatura in an art book, you’ve dedicated your life to studied nonchalance and consequently live in apartment that resembles a two-page spread in VOGUE Living. In public, people tend to notice how good you smell but it’s nothing store-bought because, let’s be real, you just can’t bottle self-assurance.
You were the kid who always needed popcorn at the movies because it’s traditional but if there’s a new restaurant opening, you’re the first of your friends to try it. You like your gelato to look like it’s come from Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory but only the 70s Gene Wilder version over anything Tim Burton touched. Maybe it’s because Burton’s movie was awful but probably because even though you’re happy to branch out every now and then, deep down you know nothing can beat the classics.
St Louis Ice Cream
Ask yourself, if a cup of gelato is consumed in the forest and nobody is there to Instagram it, did it really happen? If your answer is a resounding ‘no’ then St Louis is your ideal confection coffer. Not to say that you only deal in superficial fluff. Rather the opposite, you firmly believe that if you’re going to indulge you might as well go all the way with it. It’s the same with haircuts (every six to eight weeks, without fail), denim jeans (designer all the way but only purchased bi-yearly, explaining the receipt saying ‘cost per wear, honey, cost per wear’).
Yes, your athletic gear might be chic and designer but there’s nothing faddish about your tastes. After all, keeping your bodily temple appropriately clean is a lifetime commitment. You might be virtuous with a capital V and you did buy your own Ninja Juicer to further pursue your love of everything green pressed but that’s not to say you don’t indulge.
Except when you do you can’t shake that little voice inside your head that says you’re being just a little bit naughty. Luckily you’re that friend that’s already figured out the list of organic low-fat treats one can consume while still remaining utterly free of gluten.
You’re guaranteed to be as liked as a perfectly worded Facebook status and as inoffensive as a brightly coloured sporty coupe. There’s no denying your smooth confidence in social situations because you’ve studied what people like and you’ve watched enough TED Talks to carry more than a few conversations. ‘See you at Body Attack’ you might say as you skip off into the sunset, another acolyte won over with your crowd-pleasing charm.
Cow And The Moon
You’re known as a bit of a dark horse but you don’t actively refute the rep. Rather; you use this slight anonymity to your advantage, quietly working on your plan for world domination while fostering an appearance of noncompetitive chill. But beneath this veneer is the passion of a thousand suns. The big question is, are you completely comfortable with
spotlight once everyone clocks onto your particular brand of magic?
This story was first published on Citizens of the World.